Saturday, September 18, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Never Know What Life's Gonna Throw A You
So by now most people know that my mom has cancer. Well, this I've known for a while now. My mom and I are good friends and so she tells me before she tells important things before most people and sometimes certain people take offense to that. So I should start with the story, otherwise you'll end up lost and confused and you'll be saying, "What are you talking about?"
OK so my mother told me about the cancer and the surgery over a month ago and she asked me not to tell anyone here (the family) because she wanted to herself and she wanted to do it all at once. Which is understandable because if it were me, I wouldn't want to have to repeat it a half a million times. So she was planning on making a trip down here to see everybody and tell them at the family barbeque. However she couldn't make it and so she asked me to get all four of my brothers and their wives together for 15 minutes, that's all she was asking for, so she could tell them something very important. And she said I couldn't tell them what it was about because she wanted to. So I called all of my brothers and all of them agreed on a day and time and I thought that was good. Well one of them didn't like that I was keeping information from him and he tried several ways to get it out of me but he couldn't and so he gave up; or so I thought. He started asking around from everybody in the family. Asking if they knew what was going on and if they knew they had to tell him. well this started getting everybody worried asking mom what's up and the usual questions when you're curious. Well no one knew anything and for some reason someone told him that mom was dying. Well on Friday as soon as I get back to the Chinese Kitchen and I'm serving customers (by myself with no help during the lunch rush I might add) he comes storming up to the counter and starts yelling at me saying its all my fault that mom was dying and that she was sick. If I had told him she wouldn't be dying, and going on and on. Basically saying it was all my fault. Well I didn't like it but I with as much dignity as I could muster at the moment I told him he needed to leave because I was working. He wouldn't leave and he had to be escorted out of the store. So I finished up the lunch rush and I was called upstairs. I almost lost my job because of him! You know I don't go to his place of work and yell and scream and harass him so what gives him the right to do that to me? I understand he was angry and upset. But his source of information is usually wrong and he should've checked that story with mom or even me! I would've cleared up that she isn't dying. That would've calmed him but he doesn't like to listen to reason very well.
Obviously I had to call mom and tell her what was going on. I was near to tears at that moment. When she found out she got so stressed and upset she started crying and told me to cancel the get together with my brothers. She did what she didn't want to do. She had to call and tell everyone indivually because by this time Patrick (my idiot brother) had started caliing people and telling everyone the wrong information. It takes a lot to get my mom to cry and so you know how much its hurting her when she cries.
I thought that wuold be the end of it but no. When everyone found out that I already knew and didn't tell them they accused me of lying to them and they said it was all my fault she was sick. Except my three other brothers and their wives. They understood that it wasn't my news to give but everybody else victomized and blamed me for evrything that was wrong with my mother. And no matter what I told them or my mother told them they wouldn't listen. So needless to say I didn't bother to even try and go to the family's Labor Day barbeque. I purposly traded shifts with people so I would have a valid excuse not to be there.
So, you may ask why I bring this up. Well, I'll tell you why. So I can say this and hopefully iot will get across to, not just my family, but to other families who are dealing with this right now.
Here's what I have to say to those who would blame for their mother's cancer or even just her general health:
Get over it! If you wanted to be told how your mother's doing, call her! Don't wait for her to call you! You have her phone number and a working phone so get off your lazy backside and call her! Its as simple as that! And, this is just my personal view on the matter, if you aren't willing to give your mom 15 minutes of your busy life then what right do you have to demand to know whats wrong with her when you haven;t spoken to her months?!?!?! Also, just becasue you're angry that you can't do anything to help her don't take it out on someone who was doing what their mother wanted them to do. Its unfair and puts not only me in an awkward position it makes your mom feel terrible. That is not what she needs at the moment. What she needs is your support and by putting your anger into breaking down someone else you're hurting everybody else.
That's just something to think about. I needed to get that out there because I can't tell my brother this because he's been avoiding me after his blow up and so I need to get that out becasue I am so stressed out I'm not sleeping anymore, I'm not eating, I can't focus and I'm always on the verge of tears. I can't serve a customer anymore without wanting to bawl my eyes out and I'm always looking out making sure that Patrick isn't going to come in and make another scene. As much as I hate my job I need it.
I'm sorry I unloaded this on you but I didn't know what else to do. The church here still treats me like garbage and the Bishop didn't know that I even exsisted until a few months ago and I had been there over a year. I can't talk to any family here except some for my brothers but we all have busy schedules and barely have time to see each other. So all I can do is vent on here and hope that maybe it will help me feel better. And it does. Not always but its working just a little bit at the moment.
So I hope your lives are going better than mine is at the moment and if there's one thing that I want you to take from this is to talk to your family often and see how they are because you never know what life is going to throw at you.
Catch Ya'll Later
OK so my mother told me about the cancer and the surgery over a month ago and she asked me not to tell anyone here (the family) because she wanted to herself and she wanted to do it all at once. Which is understandable because if it were me, I wouldn't want to have to repeat it a half a million times. So she was planning on making a trip down here to see everybody and tell them at the family barbeque. However she couldn't make it and so she asked me to get all four of my brothers and their wives together for 15 minutes, that's all she was asking for, so she could tell them something very important. And she said I couldn't tell them what it was about because she wanted to. So I called all of my brothers and all of them agreed on a day and time and I thought that was good. Well one of them didn't like that I was keeping information from him and he tried several ways to get it out of me but he couldn't and so he gave up; or so I thought. He started asking around from everybody in the family. Asking if they knew what was going on and if they knew they had to tell him. well this started getting everybody worried asking mom what's up and the usual questions when you're curious. Well no one knew anything and for some reason someone told him that mom was dying. Well on Friday as soon as I get back to the Chinese Kitchen and I'm serving customers (by myself with no help during the lunch rush I might add) he comes storming up to the counter and starts yelling at me saying its all my fault that mom was dying and that she was sick. If I had told him she wouldn't be dying, and going on and on. Basically saying it was all my fault. Well I didn't like it but I with as much dignity as I could muster at the moment I told him he needed to leave because I was working. He wouldn't leave and he had to be escorted out of the store. So I finished up the lunch rush and I was called upstairs. I almost lost my job because of him! You know I don't go to his place of work and yell and scream and harass him so what gives him the right to do that to me? I understand he was angry and upset. But his source of information is usually wrong and he should've checked that story with mom or even me! I would've cleared up that she isn't dying. That would've calmed him but he doesn't like to listen to reason very well.
Obviously I had to call mom and tell her what was going on. I was near to tears at that moment. When she found out she got so stressed and upset she started crying and told me to cancel the get together with my brothers. She did what she didn't want to do. She had to call and tell everyone indivually because by this time Patrick (my idiot brother) had started caliing people and telling everyone the wrong information. It takes a lot to get my mom to cry and so you know how much its hurting her when she cries.
I thought that wuold be the end of it but no. When everyone found out that I already knew and didn't tell them they accused me of lying to them and they said it was all my fault she was sick. Except my three other brothers and their wives. They understood that it wasn't my news to give but everybody else victomized and blamed me for evrything that was wrong with my mother. And no matter what I told them or my mother told them they wouldn't listen. So needless to say I didn't bother to even try and go to the family's Labor Day barbeque. I purposly traded shifts with people so I would have a valid excuse not to be there.
So, you may ask why I bring this up. Well, I'll tell you why. So I can say this and hopefully iot will get across to, not just my family, but to other families who are dealing with this right now.
Here's what I have to say to those who would blame for their mother's cancer or even just her general health:
Get over it! If you wanted to be told how your mother's doing, call her! Don't wait for her to call you! You have her phone number and a working phone so get off your lazy backside and call her! Its as simple as that! And, this is just my personal view on the matter, if you aren't willing to give your mom 15 minutes of your busy life then what right do you have to demand to know whats wrong with her when you haven;t spoken to her months?!?!?! Also, just becasue you're angry that you can't do anything to help her don't take it out on someone who was doing what their mother wanted them to do. Its unfair and puts not only me in an awkward position it makes your mom feel terrible. That is not what she needs at the moment. What she needs is your support and by putting your anger into breaking down someone else you're hurting everybody else.
That's just something to think about. I needed to get that out there because I can't tell my brother this because he's been avoiding me after his blow up and so I need to get that out becasue I am so stressed out I'm not sleeping anymore, I'm not eating, I can't focus and I'm always on the verge of tears. I can't serve a customer anymore without wanting to bawl my eyes out and I'm always looking out making sure that Patrick isn't going to come in and make another scene. As much as I hate my job I need it.
I'm sorry I unloaded this on you but I didn't know what else to do. The church here still treats me like garbage and the Bishop didn't know that I even exsisted until a few months ago and I had been there over a year. I can't talk to any family here except some for my brothers but we all have busy schedules and barely have time to see each other. So all I can do is vent on here and hope that maybe it will help me feel better. And it does. Not always but its working just a little bit at the moment.
So I hope your lives are going better than mine is at the moment and if there's one thing that I want you to take from this is to talk to your family often and see how they are because you never know what life is going to throw at you.
Catch Ya'll Later
Friday, September 3, 2010
Part III
OK so its been a while (life throws a whoel bunch of stuff in the way sometimes), but we left off where I had just gotten a nanny job in New Jersey and its the Monday after thanksgiving and I have 1 week to leave.
So anyways, I'm nervous as I'm heading out there because those thoughts that are there for the purpose of making you second guess yourself decided to pop up on during the flight out there. You know the ones that go: "what if this is a trap?" "Maybe this lady is someone who prays on girls like me and gets them to accept a job and then when I get there she sells me to some faraway country as a slave or something?". Hey, it's happened to people before me. But when I landed and I got there, the moment I met her I knew she was a wonderful woman who would never sell me into the sex slave trade. I get there and its the middle of the night but thats ok and the next morning I start my job and I meet the oldest child. He is awesome! That's all I can say about him. The moment we met it was like instant chemistry. He was 5 years old and in Kindergarten and he was the sweetest kid and he and I hit it off immediately. He became my favorite; I know you're not supposed to have favorites but that's what it was. After I took him to school I met the two youngest kids. A boy and girl. The little boy was 16 months old and the little girl was 2, she has CF but you would never have guessed it the way that she ran around and played with the other two. I fell in love with all three of these kids. I guess that I was the first nanny they had ever had and they didn't know what to expect from me as I much as I didn't know what to expect from them so it was a good mix because we all got to know each other pretty well.
So it had been a few weeks and we had celebrated Christmas (my first one away from home ever). And I was given New Year's weekend off so Matt, Jared, Kristy, myself and one of the their friends, Jeff all went camping on the farthest east shore in Maine that we could get to. We decided we wanted to be the first to welcome in the new year. We weren't the only ones with that idea and we met a few interesting people there on that shaore around our bonfire we had going. It was a great time had by all. During this weekend Jared and I got to talking about my script and he said he was in suspense with it. "I really want to know what happens and how it all fits together." So after that weekend I started writing more into the script. If you know me I don't give my writing out because I'm always second-guessing myself and I always try to touch it up beyond recognition. So I send it to my best friend Bethany who knows my writing style and gives me honest feedback and so for the next couple of months on my time off I would write if I wasn't busy.
They were a few crazy months because I had every weekend off. Friday after I would pick up the oldest from school I would be off at 4 pm and I would take the train up to NYC where Matt and everybody else lived and we would go and do everything. We didn't just stay in NYC though. Matt had a private jett and we'd all go on weekend trips to so many different places. we went to Miami, Los Angeles (where Jeff lived-he's another part of the story), Maine, Tennessee, Austin, Dallas, down to Cancun, out west to Oregon (we went sky diving there), up to Niagra Falls and then over to Vancouver, down to D.C. and a whole bunch of ohter places that were just so much fun. and then I had to be back to work at 7 am Monday morning to relieve the weekend nanny from her duties and then I'd take the oldest to school. It was fun and yet in all of that I had time to do writing.
Well during those few months Matt and I broke up but he and I are still good friends and he is actually getting married to Kristy in a few months and so I can't wait to go to New York to attend the wedding.
Well, it was a good run but one Friday in March I was at my job and Aryn (the other nanny) had just gotten there and it was a nice day so we took all the kids out to the back yard (it was also spring break so the oldest wasn't in school) to play. The snow was melting so it was kinda slippery on the porch. Well I slipped and fell off the porch. It was a 4 foot drop that just winded me but the oldest thought that it was a fun game that I was playing and so he jumped on top of me and I was laying on uneven ground and the moment he lands I hear a sound I never want to hear again. it was like some sick sound bubble wrap just got burst open and I heard it five times. the next thing I know I'm screaming in agony and I'm crying my eyes out because it hurts so much and since my boss isn't there the gardner and the chef rush me to the emergency room. They do X-rays and they tell me I have 3 broken ribs on my right side and 2 broken on my left. They gave me pain killers and told me they couldn't wrap it because it could make it worse so they said to not lift anything heavy and don't drive while taking the pain killers. Well that kind of doesn't work when you're a nanny. But since Aryn was on break for 3 weeks she said that she would take over for me while it gave me time to heal. However the way that I broke them it took over a year for them to fully heal so I had to leave that job because I couldn't pick up the 16 month old without hurting myslef. It was sad to leave because I absolutely loved that family, they became a part of my own family and I still talk to them at least once a week to see how everybody is doing.
While it was sad to leave it was even sadder to go to Kansas. I had always told myself I was never going to go to Kansas because then people get stuck there and I had plans and dreams that I needed to do. Well, I get there and I get a job at the Chinese Kitchen at Dillon's and its an okay job but I'm still looking for a nanny job because it what I know and what I enjoy doing. Well about 3 months after moving there Jared comes to town and wants to see what else I've been writing. I'm embarrased to say I had nothing. But you see, here in Kansas I haven't gotten inspiration for anything new, haven't had any urge to work on my old stuff either and so it was a bad trip for Jared but I promised myself I would find a time at least once a week and write, I would take a few hours and I would just sit and write. And it worked, I didn't have any huge big idea but I got some small ideas to work with and I was asked to write an episode for NCIS and I did and it was one of the most exciting things that has happened to me.
It was during the summer and I had flown out to LA to see Jeff (he at that point in time was my boyfriend). I got to go meet some of the people on the set of NCIS while they were filming my episode and I was just in heaven. This is one of my favorite T.V. shows and has been since it first aired back in 2003. So it was a great weekend. The next weekend wasn't so great. I was checking my emails and I got an email from Jeff. No subject but I read it. It wasn't very long; only two words. It said: "we're done." That was a big blow. I was actually developing strong feelings for this guy and he goes and does this to me. I'm not gonna lie, at first I thought it was a joke so I called him and he wouldn't answer and so I emailed him back asking what was up and why would he do something like this. It was three days later and Matt calls me with news. Jeff had gotten some girl pregnant and he was now with her. He didn't have the guts to tell me to my face that we were over and then I find out what he was doing while I wasn't around. It hurt.
I got over it but, because of the way that he and ended and what I found out afterwards, I lost some friends over it. The girl he got pregnant was a really really good friend and I shared with her a lot of things however, now she won't speak to me. Some of the people I knew because of him wouldn't say two words to me anymore. I've forgiven and forgotten though and the people who really truly mattered stuck by me and helped me through it.
So I go back to writing and I get a call from Jared and this is the message he leaves: "Elizabeth! Big news! Paramount wants to make your screenplay into a movie! Call me as soon as you get this." So I called him and set up a meeting and after a few months of negotiations it fell through. And then around Christmas time I get the same message from Jared only this time instead of Paramount it Jerry Bruckheimer. I'm not gonna lie, I was in a state of complete shock. This guy is my idol I absoilutely love his work. So we set up a meeting and we start putting things into motion and the next thing I know I get a call from Jerry saying, "I've got Cameron Crowe who want to direct this film what do you think?"
"What do I think?" I was extatic! cameron Crowe is my faovrite director of all time and so i was thrilled. I got off the phone and I just screamed for like 5 minutes straight I was so excited.
This brings us to where I started this story. well its been a few months since then but the studio decided that this wasn't going to be put up for production in 2011 like they originally said it was and now they're thinking about putting it up for 2012 production. I really hope I get it. If not I know there are other studios out there and it is actually being passed around to other studios as we speak but I can't put all my hopes into this one basket so for now I'm putting it on hold and I'm finishing shcool (don't get me wrong if they want to put it into production I'm not going to stop them), I have a full scholarship in Arizona however it doesn't include housing so I'm trying to put enough money into savings to help while I go to school. I leave for Arizona in July of 2011 and I'm excited. I can't wait to leave here because I know I can't do very much while I'm here that helps me towards my goals and so I'm being proacttive and getting them fullfilled myself, even if it means scrimping and saving and occaisionally going without dinner. However, I've moved into my grandparent's house and so they keep me pretty well fed and support my decisions even if they don't like my dreams and goals too much.
Well that's that story and whatever happens next, I'm ready for it. So bring it on, whatever it may be.
As always,
Catch ya on the Flip Side;-p
So anyways, I'm nervous as I'm heading out there because those thoughts that are there for the purpose of making you second guess yourself decided to pop up on during the flight out there. You know the ones that go: "what if this is a trap?" "Maybe this lady is someone who prays on girls like me and gets them to accept a job and then when I get there she sells me to some faraway country as a slave or something?". Hey, it's happened to people before me. But when I landed and I got there, the moment I met her I knew she was a wonderful woman who would never sell me into the sex slave trade. I get there and its the middle of the night but thats ok and the next morning I start my job and I meet the oldest child. He is awesome! That's all I can say about him. The moment we met it was like instant chemistry. He was 5 years old and in Kindergarten and he was the sweetest kid and he and I hit it off immediately. He became my favorite; I know you're not supposed to have favorites but that's what it was. After I took him to school I met the two youngest kids. A boy and girl. The little boy was 16 months old and the little girl was 2, she has CF but you would never have guessed it the way that she ran around and played with the other two. I fell in love with all three of these kids. I guess that I was the first nanny they had ever had and they didn't know what to expect from me as I much as I didn't know what to expect from them so it was a good mix because we all got to know each other pretty well.
So it had been a few weeks and we had celebrated Christmas (my first one away from home ever). And I was given New Year's weekend off so Matt, Jared, Kristy, myself and one of the their friends, Jeff all went camping on the farthest east shore in Maine that we could get to. We decided we wanted to be the first to welcome in the new year. We weren't the only ones with that idea and we met a few interesting people there on that shaore around our bonfire we had going. It was a great time had by all. During this weekend Jared and I got to talking about my script and he said he was in suspense with it. "I really want to know what happens and how it all fits together." So after that weekend I started writing more into the script. If you know me I don't give my writing out because I'm always second-guessing myself and I always try to touch it up beyond recognition. So I send it to my best friend Bethany who knows my writing style and gives me honest feedback and so for the next couple of months on my time off I would write if I wasn't busy.
They were a few crazy months because I had every weekend off. Friday after I would pick up the oldest from school I would be off at 4 pm and I would take the train up to NYC where Matt and everybody else lived and we would go and do everything. We didn't just stay in NYC though. Matt had a private jett and we'd all go on weekend trips to so many different places. we went to Miami, Los Angeles (where Jeff lived-he's another part of the story), Maine, Tennessee, Austin, Dallas, down to Cancun, out west to Oregon (we went sky diving there), up to Niagra Falls and then over to Vancouver, down to D.C. and a whole bunch of ohter places that were just so much fun. and then I had to be back to work at 7 am Monday morning to relieve the weekend nanny from her duties and then I'd take the oldest to school. It was fun and yet in all of that I had time to do writing.
Well during those few months Matt and I broke up but he and I are still good friends and he is actually getting married to Kristy in a few months and so I can't wait to go to New York to attend the wedding.
Well, it was a good run but one Friday in March I was at my job and Aryn (the other nanny) had just gotten there and it was a nice day so we took all the kids out to the back yard (it was also spring break so the oldest wasn't in school) to play. The snow was melting so it was kinda slippery on the porch. Well I slipped and fell off the porch. It was a 4 foot drop that just winded me but the oldest thought that it was a fun game that I was playing and so he jumped on top of me and I was laying on uneven ground and the moment he lands I hear a sound I never want to hear again. it was like some sick sound bubble wrap just got burst open and I heard it five times. the next thing I know I'm screaming in agony and I'm crying my eyes out because it hurts so much and since my boss isn't there the gardner and the chef rush me to the emergency room. They do X-rays and they tell me I have 3 broken ribs on my right side and 2 broken on my left. They gave me pain killers and told me they couldn't wrap it because it could make it worse so they said to not lift anything heavy and don't drive while taking the pain killers. Well that kind of doesn't work when you're a nanny. But since Aryn was on break for 3 weeks she said that she would take over for me while it gave me time to heal. However the way that I broke them it took over a year for them to fully heal so I had to leave that job because I couldn't pick up the 16 month old without hurting myslef. It was sad to leave because I absolutely loved that family, they became a part of my own family and I still talk to them at least once a week to see how everybody is doing.
While it was sad to leave it was even sadder to go to Kansas. I had always told myself I was never going to go to Kansas because then people get stuck there and I had plans and dreams that I needed to do. Well, I get there and I get a job at the Chinese Kitchen at Dillon's and its an okay job but I'm still looking for a nanny job because it what I know and what I enjoy doing. Well about 3 months after moving there Jared comes to town and wants to see what else I've been writing. I'm embarrased to say I had nothing. But you see, here in Kansas I haven't gotten inspiration for anything new, haven't had any urge to work on my old stuff either and so it was a bad trip for Jared but I promised myself I would find a time at least once a week and write, I would take a few hours and I would just sit and write. And it worked, I didn't have any huge big idea but I got some small ideas to work with and I was asked to write an episode for NCIS and I did and it was one of the most exciting things that has happened to me.
It was during the summer and I had flown out to LA to see Jeff (he at that point in time was my boyfriend). I got to go meet some of the people on the set of NCIS while they were filming my episode and I was just in heaven. This is one of my favorite T.V. shows and has been since it first aired back in 2003. So it was a great weekend. The next weekend wasn't so great. I was checking my emails and I got an email from Jeff. No subject but I read it. It wasn't very long; only two words. It said: "we're done." That was a big blow. I was actually developing strong feelings for this guy and he goes and does this to me. I'm not gonna lie, at first I thought it was a joke so I called him and he wouldn't answer and so I emailed him back asking what was up and why would he do something like this. It was three days later and Matt calls me with news. Jeff had gotten some girl pregnant and he was now with her. He didn't have the guts to tell me to my face that we were over and then I find out what he was doing while I wasn't around. It hurt.
I got over it but, because of the way that he and ended and what I found out afterwards, I lost some friends over it. The girl he got pregnant was a really really good friend and I shared with her a lot of things however, now she won't speak to me. Some of the people I knew because of him wouldn't say two words to me anymore. I've forgiven and forgotten though and the people who really truly mattered stuck by me and helped me through it.
So I go back to writing and I get a call from Jared and this is the message he leaves: "Elizabeth! Big news! Paramount wants to make your screenplay into a movie! Call me as soon as you get this." So I called him and set up a meeting and after a few months of negotiations it fell through. And then around Christmas time I get the same message from Jared only this time instead of Paramount it Jerry Bruckheimer. I'm not gonna lie, I was in a state of complete shock. This guy is my idol I absoilutely love his work. So we set up a meeting and we start putting things into motion and the next thing I know I get a call from Jerry saying, "I've got Cameron Crowe who want to direct this film what do you think?"
"What do I think?" I was extatic! cameron Crowe is my faovrite director of all time and so i was thrilled. I got off the phone and I just screamed for like 5 minutes straight I was so excited.
This brings us to where I started this story. well its been a few months since then but the studio decided that this wasn't going to be put up for production in 2011 like they originally said it was and now they're thinking about putting it up for 2012 production. I really hope I get it. If not I know there are other studios out there and it is actually being passed around to other studios as we speak but I can't put all my hopes into this one basket so for now I'm putting it on hold and I'm finishing shcool (don't get me wrong if they want to put it into production I'm not going to stop them), I have a full scholarship in Arizona however it doesn't include housing so I'm trying to put enough money into savings to help while I go to school. I leave for Arizona in July of 2011 and I'm excited. I can't wait to leave here because I know I can't do very much while I'm here that helps me towards my goals and so I'm being proacttive and getting them fullfilled myself, even if it means scrimping and saving and occaisionally going without dinner. However, I've moved into my grandparent's house and so they keep me pretty well fed and support my decisions even if they don't like my dreams and goals too much.
Well that's that story and whatever happens next, I'm ready for it. So bring it on, whatever it may be.
As always,
Catch ya on the Flip Side;-p
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