What I Want to Accomplish vs Resolutions

Hello and Hi!

So its been a long time since I last posted and I figure the start of a new year is a good a time as any right. So a lot has happened since I last posted and a lot continues to happen. So I believe that the last post that I did was about my 21st birthday. I have since had another birthday (that's right I'm 22 now), a couple new jobs, and yet I still have no idea what I'm doing.

Lets start with my birthday though (my favorite holiday out there). So I turned 22 this past October and as such I feel unaccomplished. I feel as though I've let myself down because at this point I don't honestly know anymore. I know what I kinda want but what I kinda want has only shifted to kinda because its what I thought I knew for sure what I wanted before... you understand what I mean? Because I sure don't and I'm the one that wrote it. Anyways, with my birthday came trying to figure what I want out of life. I know one thing is for sure: I want to be happy. Plain and simple. You can't go through life trying to get by without being happy or content because its only gonna cause you to feel stressed and ready to burst into tears at any given moment (I speak from experience). I have come to the realization that I have to sit back and watch it all happen and take the time to breath every once in a while. Its a process, a very hard and long process that I am still learning.

Which brings me to the new jobs. As of August 3, 2011 I no longer work for Dillon's as a cook in the Chinese Kitchen. I attempted a nanny job that fell through (which I still have trouble getting over so I don't like to talk about it), I have been a host at Oscar's Classic Diner in Jefferson City, Missouri. I am now currently in Texas working as a nanny again (fingers crossed this one doesn't fall through). I am on a year's contract and we'll see what happens at the end. Of course that leads me to my favorite part out of all of this: I have absolutely no idea what the heck it is that I am doing. I thought I did but then life kicked me around for a bit and I'm hoping that right now I'm at a point where its taking a break from kicking me. Every time I start something I get kicked and so at this point I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing; career wise or personally. I love film and writing but there are times when I'm not sure that that is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Like right now I really want to do it and I know that if I keep on it and keep on it I'll get to where ever it is that I end up. But then there are times that I just want to throw it all away and do something else, like paint or interior design or cook. Or something that I also enjoy doing as well as my film. When I look at the big picture I get really overwhelmed by it all and then I break down and go nuts. I know right now in my sane state of mind (or maybe its my insane state of mind who knows) that I want to open my own production company someday but to do that I want to get into the business with my writing because it has helped me immensely with my career goals. So for right now I'm working towards my degree in Creative Writing for Entertainment Bachelors. Boy that makes me really nervous just by writing that down and putting it out there for everyone to see and to help me to stick to it and maybe help to not get so crazy and worked up every time something doesn't go the way that I think it should. And honestly (yes I just started a sentence with and) I like not knowing whats going to happen next but sometimes it just drives me crazy because the surprise of what happens next will bring me to my knees and I don't like feeling helpless. So as of right now I don't know what I'm doing next I just know that right now I'm working as a nanny and taking classes online towards my Bachelors degree.

The above are not resolutions because I don't believe in resolutions. I find that resolutions are tossed at the 1 week mark and forgotten. These are short and long-term goals that I want to accomplish to help me be grow as a person and within my career. You all have a good 2012 and if the world don't end December 21, 2012 (which I doubt will) I look forward to having a conversation with you all next year at this time to see where I am.

Catch ya on the flip side...